The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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