Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
