Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just tell him i said nine months
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
