i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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