are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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