Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
