Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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