You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You are the jesus of drinking
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
