Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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