There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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