Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
