Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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