Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
