Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
