yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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