also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
