i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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