The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
