so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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