This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I just went to clothing optional bar
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
