dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
