her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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