Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
