Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
