I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
