the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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