He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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