I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I need to stop coming to work sober
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize