i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Enjoy the penises
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
