If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
