I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
