I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
