it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
