From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
