I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
