can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
