I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he thought i was a dude.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
