Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
