As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just pee around me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
