I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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