The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
