I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
