I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
