I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
