So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
