I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
