The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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