eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
