Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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