she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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