Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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