But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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