its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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