@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize