Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
