every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
