You smell like stripper and shame
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
