Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
