I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
