Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
