Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
