WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
