we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize