I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
