oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
