I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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