you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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