he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
