i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
