Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
