Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
