you have to choose: penises or morals?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
