I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
