Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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