I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
